If only
by Starlover1990
Summary: Sam thinks about her love life after Jacob passes away.


**Time:** Between Season 8 and S9. Major spoilers for Threads.

**Pairing: **Sam/Jack. Sam/Pete

**Rating:** K+

**Summary:** Sam thinks about her love life after Jacob passes away.

A/N: This is my first story after approximately 6 months of not writing. And I thought of it while I was in the train…

Many thanks to **Sarai** for her fast beta'ing.

If only

Sam sat alone in her living room. Outside the dark clouds covered what had been a glorious day. Sam wiped away a stray tear. She cried a lot these days. Her father had just passed away. She already missed him terribly, even though it had only been a few weeks now. It was a small funeral, mostly personnel of the SGC attended and the few family members that were still left. Of course Mark was there too, Pete wasn't. In her mind's eye Sam saw the flag-bearer make his way towards her. Her fingertips rubbed together as she remembered the smooth touch of the flag. She'd stumbled then, grief and pain clouding her vision. She remembered a warm presence, deep chocolate brown eyes. And then nothing.

She shook the hair that had been bothering her out of her eyes. She couldn't think of him. It wasn't right. And yet, neither was Pete.

She was slowly falling out of love from him, at least if she ever did love him. Was she in love with him? She didn't know. She had hoped so; he made her laugh, he made her feel happy and he was cute. But still that spark, that something, it was missing. The wedding had been delayed for the time being. The first excuse Sam had was her father, but deep inside her heart she knew that wasn't the reason. It was just cold feet. Yeah, that was it. The words of her father seemed to echo around the room.

"_I just wanna know you're gonna be happy." __He's weak now, strained effort behind every word.  
"I __am__." Sam replies.  
"Don't let rules stand in your way." Confusion flashes over her face.  
"What are you talking about?"  
" You joined the Air Force because of me."  
" I __love__ my job." She does love it, but it doesn't make her really and truly happy anymore.  
" Mmm." Her father reaches out his and strokes her cheek. "You can still have everything you want."  
"I do, Dad." She says with a crack in her voice. If only she could have the one she loved. If only, but he had another woman now. Then she hears her father sigh, thinking that she doesn't understand what he means. There is only one reply possible for this, _

"_Really." She hopes he believes her now. _

She blinked. Had he known? She hadn't thought of this at first, but did her dad really know about who she really loved? That couldn't be true right? They had been subtle for all those years. She wasn't _that _obvious.

"Argh" Sam said, she shouldn't be thinking this much. She should get another cup of coffee and do some work on her laptop while she was at home. The General had ordered her to take some time off. She needed to give the death of her father a place in her life, in her heart. It wasn't easy. The last few years they had really been close. His approval of Pete was important. She'd wanted her father's blessing. And yet, she couldn't help that niggling feeling. The one that told her she never wanted her Dad to like Pete in the first place. To say she shouldn't marry him, that she didn't love him. But was 'love' the same as being 'in love'. Then she remembered the last few moments before Jacob died again.

_The General had come down to the__ infirmary and sat next to her in the observation room. "You OK?" He asked, eyes scanning her pale face.  
She takes a breath, "Actually, I'm fine. Good, even, strange as that sounds. I thought I lost him four years ago. Since then, we've been closer than we ever were my whole life. In a way, Selmak gave me the father I never thought I'd know." Jack looks at her, his deep brown eyes full of pain for her grief._

" _C'me here." He puts his arm around her should and tries to comfort her. Sam reaches up to his hand and snuggles into his shoulder. He exudes the comfort she needs. They sit quietly and comfortable together for a moment.  
"Thank you, sir."  
" For what?" He quietly asks her.  
" For being here for me." They look at each other. Deep brown eyes and the bright blue eyes meet.  
"Always." Her heart skips a beat. Now she knows her answer._

The memory was like a bolt of lightning. Immediately Sam knew what she had to do. No more thinking. It would be better to do it today then to do it later. She needed to talk to Pete. She didn't love him. Her father had tried to make it clear to her. Certainly the last few moments that he had been alive and the moment she had with the General in the observation room had made it clear who held her heart. And maybe even that he hadn't given up, that she was wrong. She hoped she still had a chance even with Kerry there . It didn't matter either way. This was something she had to do. She just wished it hadn't taken her father dying to do it. But first that phone call. She should ask Pete to come to the new house.

Sam reached to her home phone and dialed the number of Pete's phone. After a three times ringing he picked it up.

"Pete Shanahan."

"Hi Pete? It's Sam. We need to talk."

The conversation had been short but to the point. He had understood her. First he hoped it was her father's death that made her say this, but in the end he knew. He had known from the beginning, but had hoped after she said "yes" that it was over. That he had 'won'. Pete walked away and Sam knew she wouldn't see him again, step one was done. Now step two, the difficult part. Sam had thought that her feelings for a certain General were gone but they weren't. She knew this now. He wasn't her safe-bet; he was her one and only love. Her soul mate.

She should meet him soon. He had announced a couple of days ago that he would move to Washington DC. General Hammond was retiring and he was taking over his job. He wanted to retire but the higher ups didn't allow him. It was this that had been the major catalyst in her recent thoughts and actions. Teal'c was on Dakara, forming a government for the free Jaffa. And Daniel, Daniel would go to Atlantis in a few weeks time. Sam would have been the last member of SG-1, but the General knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't want that position anymore without Daniel, Teal'c and him around her. She would transfer to Area 51. Doohickey paradise. Now was the time. He in DC, she in Area 51, no rules standing in their way. She should take this opportunity and hope he thought the same. She hoped so, she thought so.

15 minutes, that was how long she had been in her car, in front of his house. Should she go in? Was he ready? Would this be good? There were so many questions in her head that she couldn't process them all. Only one thing would answer them all. Go in and meet him. Sam took a deep breath and opened the door. She walked towards his house, her heart pounding. Was this good? She could still turn back. No, she shouldn't. Her head was confused. The Air Force officer against Sam the woman. For the first time Sam won. She was ready for that Fishing trip. She knocked against the door. He opened it.

"Carter? What are ya doing here?"

"Sir," Sam said nervously while he automatically let her in, "I have to tell you something"

The end…or just the beginning.


End file.
